This is a very powerful episode of The Andy Griffith Show! It was produced and released in 1962. I think this is significant because these truths have been around a very long time. It is a matter of receiving them, having ears to hear and a willing spirit to understand and go beneath surface.
I argue that shame is the fuel for all disorders. If you unpack someones's shame story (Deputy Otis will help us) you will see the shame story unpack and then the dysfunctional family roles unfold before our eyes.
In one poignant scene, (I argue comedy can make the most impact because it is such a contrast to funny), Otis opens up to Andy and Barney about motive, about the "why" of his behavior. Here we get a glimpse of what is going on with Otis, his inner state of being, and then the contrasting reaction of Andy and Barney.
The story of Otis is where we usually stop. We need to look at the reaction of Andy and Barney. They are both people, men, who carry their own story and issues. The reaction demonstrates what is going on inside of those listening. Andy shows us the spirit of the law and Barney the letter of the law.
Andy reacts to Otis with compassion, while Barney, also a deputy is threatened. Rather than receiving Otis, Barney rejects the notion that Otis play the role of temporary deputy to impress his brother and wife visiting. I would argue Barney and Otis are very similar deep down. Like siblings, they moved in opposite directions.
Siblings coming from the same family root system can move in totally opposite directions, one seeks the position of responsibility and finds esteem being powerful (deputy sheriff) living in denial of his inner motives while the other gives into the shame story (lies) and becomes what others see him as, or how he feels inside. It is not uncommon in families to have one sibling the CEO of a company while the other a drunk. Think Billy Carter and Jimmy, Roger Clinton and Bill. We know Roger Clinton drank too much, living in the shadow of his high achieving brother and for a time brother Bill looked like he was gold. Brother Bill had his addictions as well, they were not booze, they were women and sex. Both Clinton brothers had a mother with addictions and grew up in abandonment from their father. No doubt Bill's motive for high achievement and a life mission to help others is fueled by his shame story.
Any fan of The Andy Griffith Show knows Barney is always trying to impress, exert his authority, and overcompensate. Overcompensation is the sure sign of shame in one's life. Why do we overcompensate? We overcompensate to cover a felt weakness, a deeply seated feeling of being inadequate. When this becomes part of our identity, who we are, then shame is in the driver's seat. It makes for good comedy, but the nature of Barney is revealed. Andy as well. He takes the role of enabler. Andy is the rescuer. In fact, Andy and Barney are like many successful marriages.
What makes shame so challenging is many marriages are like the relationship seen with Andy and Barney. Most see Barney's flaws, but overlook Andy's co-dependent nature to rescue. This type of marriage looks good from the outside, but the children who live in this home environment see a different story. Their parents are not the nice couple at church or PTA, they are their family root system, their primary caregivers. This relationship is totally different to them. In other words, the covered shame dynamics in this apparent functional and healthy home are buried. Unless the child plays along with their adopted role--one child might be the caregiver/rescuer/enabler and the other the problem/clown/silly child--this family can seem fine until boundaries are broken--the silly child goes too far to get attention and impregnates a girl at a party. Then, there usually is a community reaction of shock.
At the end of this episode, we see a common trend. Otis who received grace and compassion to dress as a deputy to impress his brother then scolds his brother after he finds out he is a drunk. He tells him he is ashamed of his behavior, that he embarrassed him in front of his friends. How many watching this were a little shocked or off put by this?
Otis of all people should have compassion for his brother! Yet when Otis gets a taste of power, he then becomes like Barney and overreacts. It is here we get a glimpse of the family imbalance. Imagine if Otis and Barney were brothers. They might both pick on the other brother, using him as a floor mat in order to get approval from their parents. They would always say they are just kidding when boundaries are broken--when they go too far and the other brother punches back somehow or breaks down and a parent gets involved. This is the cycle of dysfunction at play. One brother or sibling is the scapegoat in order to make the other sibling(s) feel powerful, the Cinderella of the family. Again, these themes have been with us a long time!
Watch this episode and see how powerful this story unfolds. It is a great tool to give hangers to understand shame and the family dynamics we can miss or overlook. We feel them, but rarely will a family or friends watching this discuss what was taking place. After the show, we move on to something else, but the story impacts us because we can all relate to some extent. In other words, we have our own shame stories buried inside as well! We just need guidance to bring them out and most importantly, understanding or why bother--just move on and distract the feelings. Always remember, confronting the shame dynamics in the home will causes disruption. The more dysfunctional the home, the greater the disruptive imbalance. Children react to leadership and will fill in the leadership imbalance by adopting roles to bring about a sense of balance. Once you confront this imbalance, there will be a strong push back.
Credits: The great Hal Smith as Otis
See; IMDB
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